Before i start the letters i want this article that's featured below, to also be up top here. Click this link to find out about the wonderful meditating research and how the brain kicks in to help us with our intentions, at any age!
wonderful revelations here:
The Brain: Engineered for Divinity
By Peter Van Houten, M.D.
here is the video..amazingly interesting!
here is the text article;
What you are looking for is who is looking-- St. Francis of Assisi
commenting about what meditating is, and how it is your birthright to be able to progress in this way and find freedom from this level of existence
“We don’t need anybody or anything, we don’t need our personalities, we don’t need to think to be informed—to be wise. We don’t need to move to get the feeling of dynamic energy. We don’t need things to be attached to and enjoy, to feel intense enjoyment in ourselves. And if we could get to that point, then we would find that meditation comes very easily.” (Swami Kriyananda speaking on his “Treasures along the Path” collection)
People need to know that it’s not out of their realm of ability to find God. They can be like the Saints.
Prayer and meditation can be learned. It’s not some mystic superhuman intense focusing feat. Just like utilizing techniques to work out in the gym with your body, so can you use proven methods to pray and meditate, that bring you along through reasonable progressing levels, to accomplishment.
You can start by working with the breath, just following it contentedly. And working with your imagination; visualizing calmness and love in a scene or form you relish.. Affirmation..enforce the power of positive thinking by simply reminding yourself over and over again.. things are fine. It’s the mind that makes any situation good or bad. In itself the situation is neither. It is simply what your Karma is putting you through at the moment. If you go with the flow, it’s over easy.
Out of your hands. Indeed, there are no hands to be yours. But the very hands of God reach down to take up the slack and do the lifting, for you having simply initiated the earnest effort. But you must be enthusiastic to be earnest in more and more moments, until every one of them is spent in keen anticipation of his happiness at your progress.
You are trying to please God then; an oceanic, universal consciousness, and not just appease a little person, or even master a meditation. You have embraced the bigger picture that you are part and parcel of.
You are not straining to concentrate, but applying just a little more and a little more focus-- the way you would systematically relax a little more and then a little more into a stretch. It requires a gentle stream of pressure somewhat focused, until some months or years later,you find you are flexible and free.
But in meditation instead of focusing on the bodily area you want to strengthen, you are focusing on an expectation..the idea of your heart, or spiritual eye in the forehead, or different areas along the spine being fortified by the attention your mind is putting there. Then, the release of tension that concentration allows, improves the whole area in question; and frees it from constriction of any kind.
This continuing practice of focusing one’s mind in prayer and meditation does so much more than the work-outs that develop strength in a body. Here the intuition of what that whole vast consciousness is..what you are—is gaining strength. Do not your scriptures say Ye are Gods--Jesus
The higher natural laws are laying trump over the lower ones and freeing you. You will be developing magnetism, and your desire to go deeper and deeper will increase. You will find the hearts natural love developing, and you will become drunk with God. Your meditations will be more like opportunities to sneak away to a magical place.
Then daily living will begin to feel this way also. Every endeavor will begin to feel like you used to- going to your little friend’s home, and your mother letting you play for as long as you’d like without cruelly rooting you up-- saying “it’s time to go home”.
Find that invigoration you had as a child.. when your mom said to go out and play and plunked you out on the doorstep with your rubber boots, jacket, and cap on..did you just stand around in the back yard lazily? No, you thought about that new path you saw in the meadow, or that grove of trees you thought it might be nice to play house under etc.
So with meditation..see if you can go farther..deeper into the spiritual eye. Maybe you can get that fizzling feeling, like a warm breeze starting to spread all over your body. See if you can make that feeling get more intense..play with it. listen closely for the sounds the inside of the body makes.. try to imagine them as being the very sounds of the universe.
Think “who am I really.. not this person named Sharon..I existed before mom named me..how’d I get into my mom’s womb..I didn’t have this body then..who is asking this question "who am i"?"
See if you can muster up some energy and toss it up into the top of your forehead area. Push that energy to be a little burst of light like a fire starting from a lazer point. Keep adding a little more energy, and penetrate it into a generalized area up in the frontal lobe, up to where a little whirlpool can sweep it up and draw it into that sweet spot where there are no questions..just emptiness; where answers start to form.
Soon the energy will start to morph into a place of it’s own. A place to create, where you feel safe, and full of vigor. Dwell there for awhile. Especially after you’ve finished following your breath and directing pockets of energy for your chakra areas to absorb .
Good, you’re done your practice. All is refreshed. Ahhh, now is the time you can really sink into yourself and relax. Relax yes.. but keep that energy tingling.. put it different places and see how it reacts. Now you can really make some headway.
Imagine it to be a lovers touch, and think of that lover as being God, trying to lead you into an expansive area where there are no boundaries for the love. Like waves crashing the love swells and tingles, then instead of dissolving, starts again even more intimately.
It will become obvious that the energy is not yours at all, but divine energy that got you to this beautiful place. Offer the fruits to God; action without desire for the fruits of action is the most liberating and loving thing you can do. The goal is stillness, absorption, oneness with the divine. Make your meditation what you would like your life to be.
You will begin to be able to count on the energy available instead of thinking you have to conjure it up. There is no strain then. When you can count on something, then you are not stabbing in the dark. Oh at first it seems like you have to expend your energy to get up into the sweet spot in the first place..because you are rusty at tapping that big reservoir. But each time you successfully stumble into it, you develop the subtle sense of where it is a little more keenly, and find it a little more easily each time. Think of maybe, the way you long to see wondrous places like the Grand Canyon, and see the fullblown majesty of the northern lights..then find out you've been passing by them each night in your travels naturally. Lets say your car passes all these destinations..you are looking out the window.. but you're tired, hungry.. listless.. preoccupied with countless distractions. How you wish you could be in the moment and fully absorb these thrilling sites instead of being half-heartedly there. If you were to practice focusing and willing, wouldn't that improve things?
Say you got to meet the person you admire most in all the world. There you are in the room, and can't seem to think of anything to say that relates to them. You're not prepared for this moment. You may as well be a fly on the wall for all they'll remember of you, you think.
We need to learn how to fully take advantage of our life-force abilities. If you were in tune with this person, you could merge your ideas right into theirs, and fully engage them in a meaningful connected way. To meet them at this exaulted level, however, we must be able to arrive and dwell there. It takes energy and practice.
With a devoted practice, comes the development of the heart's natural love. Your teacher; Swamiji, or whoever has captured your attention with their sincere desire to help us in this world, and are in a position to do so..will undoubtedly become those people we admire the most. This is how the devotee is victorious in the end. We want so to please our teacher. He (she) is an ideal of God; a placeholder if you will. If you have found such a person, whom you can call your own, who resinates with your own inner reality, you are already far along the path. It takes very very good Karma to even want to know God! We can tap into the freedom intiltrating us through our progressing attunement with this person, and gradually we want so deeply in our hearts to please them, that our practice is excellerated beyond imagination of expectancy. That is why Yogananda came, and Jesus, and many others. As our vision expands we realize how much we want to please God, and are able to offer our all to him. We too need to become a cause instead of an effect, ultimately.
The duality of life has been draining you of energy for so long; every time there is a wave to ride on, there is a fall afterwords and a deep trough of depression to contend with in everyday life. It’s no wonder you had lost hope. But now you’re getting a sense of floating above all that.
It’s like a secret storage of happiness; inspired energy that was there all along and you’re only just now finding the secret hiding place of it, after having known it in your distant spiritual past.
You then are skiing down the slope happily, becoming more accomplished with your finesse, because there is no arduous climb at the bottom anymore. You have by your practice, propelled yourself into a more subtle realm and touched upon a higher natural law.
The divine energy available from the universe is there..a little tow rope you hadn't noticed in the mist has been flowing by-- a little too fast for you to fathom. Your balance and speed wasn’t sharp enough to grasp it and you were in too dull a state to even really notice it for a long time.
Now, however, you have the ability to be able to focus and glide along determinedly, with good balance, for you have been practicing in your meditations. It is thrilling to find that you can easily grasp the tow and hold strong, all the way to the top. You even start to get fancy, and swoosh a little..let go with one hand, etc.
So it is like being above the tree line in the sweet powder all the time, and no need to do any of that hard traversing under the strain of your own power any more. You have access to God’s tow rope and are finding it more surely and easily each time you try.
There’s no going back now. You have to find a way to let others know about this. You know how they are suffering..the thought of them catching on to this euphoria is thrilling to you, and propels you even more into this heavenly feeling. The more souls you imagine populating your beautiful realm of freedom, the more intense your bliss becomes with all their imagined contentments added to yours.
You feel better about being around family and friends too, because you know the magnetism you are generating is a positive force for your loved ones to be exposed to. Life’s bubble isn’t droopy and ready to burst, but buoyant and vibrant. We are all part of one chain, with no weak links.
You are helping your world to be in touch with a loftier purpose, and intuitively feeling you are one with all there is. Instead of identifying with your little body, you are experiencing how our spirits are all part of a vast universal spirit. When smaller bodies are drawn to a big magnet, the pull becomes momentus.. all molecules are happily pointing north then, and there are no thwarting cross currents. That! is the power of the universe. That! is who we are. Magnetizing our spine up and down with our breathing exercises, focusing penetrating relief-waves into our chakra areas to release old habits and desires, and letting devotion lead us bravely into the abyss..we will finally be fully absorbed and free. We can't be defined as the countless waves when tranquility replaces duality. We are then in spirit, aware of not being distinguishable from others. No more restless highs and crushing lows. We feel the profound power and depth..deep contentment --of the whole ocean body. Our reality includes a larger reality, and we evolve bit by bit into the realization that other peoples needs are a part of our needs. This sensitivity we develop; the ability to enter into the conciousness, the lives, the realities of others, is indeed the mark of a superior human being (paraphrasing Swami). The greatest people; scientists, artists, saints are those who see everything in nature unified. The law of attraction; of love is at work in all natures manifestations of that law; gravity, relativity, karma..all is being drawn into the one reality. The more refined we become, the more we see unity and seek it.
Now, think deeply about what Swamiji said in that opening quote;
“We don’t need anybody or anything, we don’t need our personalities, we don’t need to think – to be informed—to be wise. We don’t need to move to get the feeling of dynamic energy. We don’t need things to be attached to and enjoy, to feel intense enjoyment in ourselves. And if we could get to that point, then we would find that meditation comes very easily.” (Swami Kriyananda speaking on his “Treasures along the Path” collection)
Trust life, even if you cannot trust people. For human nature is unreliable, but life itself is ruled by immutable law. Right action leads always, in the end, to victory. Swami
Yes “I cant make you love me” ..has always been one of my stand out favorite songs.
Brings you straight into the heart as if magically to touch the hurt and help melt it with such tender understanding.
I remember when Mike Reid first wrote it, and played it at the Bluebird. He used to always sing it.. and he sings as well as Bonnie.
Well, it seems like the worst thing possible; unrequited love. It spurred me into a suicidal type of depression.. more than once.
I don’t know how many lifetimes it will take to get over this kind of thing.. but that’s why I’m here.
Now I’ve replaced that deprived longing with wanting to be near Swami. Maybe a higher order of desire,
but still that touch of delusion in there..that habit of thinking worldly—defining that love as something you can bring in from outside yourself..
I must get past that ..my final freedom test.
Then I will give my love naturally and fully in every situation and always be vibrating in the most exquisite bliss..
feeling that bubbling warmth that is my own being inside.. needing nothing in return or from anywhere, anyone or anything.
Just me..i am love come home.
A staggering concept, but true it is..the deepest truth buried behind all the habits and conditioning we’ve taken upon ourselves.
Remember being an infant.. you were love..it penetrated within, totally fulfilling to your soul.
Who did you need then? Everything WAS that love. How could you differentiate it or separate it into just one thing…
I wish you didn’t feel so strongly the direction your love wants to take. I know how painful that can be.
It thwarts growth and keeps one drowning.
But also is the fact that to have that very love in your heart is the greatest potential treasure
… to the alchemist who can forge gold from steel,
for that is what you must do.
to begin to remember…
So very few have it even to work with.
It has for most, drifted too far off to summon..
I pray for you.
A FRIEND WAS EXPERIENCING THE ANGUISHING MONOTONY OF LIFE, AND SLOWLY OPTING OUT. I TRIED TO HELP OUT
yes it is no less than a fight for your soul.
you may have lost for this life time. but maybe not. i think you got it in you.
i mean, close enough to the surface to grasp.
i see it..that exhuberance, that wellspring of joy.
i also think the courage of the warrior is yet within reach in you.
but, your world has become only your thoughts.
they are killing you because they are built on fear and are accumulating,
being nurtured and propogating--grotesquely morphing and spiralling out of control
--because you are letting them..even fostering it..
so many veils have covered the real you under there, that you are suffocating yourself.
at some point, maybe not even this lifetime you're gona say "i wont take this torture anymore..not one minute more!!!"
you will reach into that heart of yours and purge your absolute all out into the open
where it can breathe and has access to the light that can heal it.
all the secrets and disfunctions that you have been feeding, harboring, letting take over you--
that were festering inside you, will shrivel in the light of day once exposed,
and you will be suprised you gave creedence to such nothingness.
you let it take up all your energy; your very lifeblood dearbought from your good works of the past,
just letting it drain out without even a fight... youre just allowing all that bilge to disease you.
It's gotta stop. there's just no other way. how much deeper do you plan to let yourself slide ?
do you think it will be someone other than you who finally climbs out of the hole? Nope. Its your work to do and yours only.
Oh sure, you'll pass to the next life. But you haven't changed your habits and ingrained systems of thought.
It will be only a matter of time until they ensnare the new body too.
This is desperate. Death does not help. Just puts you at the starting line of the race again.
Get out of the race .
it's a game.
it's not real..none of this.
gosh, i wish i could help. it's only you who can though, and your higher self, your potential, "God".
The good thing is , you're not luke warm. You're very dynamic in nature, and could speedily find the light..you are very skilled in the dedication it takes.
it only needs to be directed properly. thats all..thats it.
Your're like the water in a bottle in an ocean. The only thing keeping you from the freeness
of the whole blessed ocean, is that bottle you poured yourself into. It only has to be dissolved. Or the cork lifted..
When you start to flow into and feel that gripping love that your bigger self has to give yourself, then all habits fall away naturally.
You want nothing but to grasp that blessed relief and hold on for dear life .
it brings you to paradise on earth, and afterward only bliss.
I don't know what to say, that's why i am spurting out.
i know where you are for i've been there in this lifetime. it's devastating.
but, get a grip!
Do the Right thing!! and do it in every moment.
Look those fears dead square in the face, each in their turn. but take em on in little bits.
Fight the battles you know you can win just then. Be strategic.
When you're feeling strong enough to win a battle, take one on that is a size you know you can beat in that moment.
They will start to diminish in number. And,
They can't survive your stare if you are in the light of good works and intentions.
not ashamed of yourself all the time. And you will start to develop that pride from having won a few little battles..
On to bigger ones then slowly. With patience and a growing foundation forming under you.
Even just a little power built up from a noble intention to trust God, can blast one into inniahalation forever.
there's no hole at the bottom you can escape through. you have to climb up. there's no other way.
theres no other way. theres no other way. theres no other way.
A LETTER TO A FRIEND WHO LIKE ME, WAS GETTING BACK INTO MUSIC. IT TALKS OF HOW YOUR INTUITION (CENTERED IN THE FRONTAL LOBES OF THE BRAIN) ASSISTS YOU WITH YOUR INTENT
one thing at a time..and keep it enjoyable..i know what you mean about the day job takin the best of us..not much left to spread around.
but consider this (as can be understood when you watch the video at the link below) ..when you put an intention forth, doesn't matter how small, a path opens up and presents itself in earnestness to accomodate that intent.
the trick is not to miss it, and don't be doubtful of it's potential..and watch for the little signs. slowly but surely it makes its way. brain cells from the frontal lobes even recruit from more unactive areas of the brain, when there is a seed of intent that has a little twinge of enthusiasm in there for good measure.
see in this video how the frontal lobe of the brain helps us in our intentions..at any age!
wonderful revelations here:
The Brain: Engineered for Divinity
By Peter Van Houten, M.D.
here is the video..amazingly interesting!
and here is the text article;
oh yea, i meant to talk about the potential learning opportunity in getting back into my music..the subtle tricks that we didn't catch the first time around in the music business...the self analysis tool, and experience base that wasn't under our belts. the reason its a good idea to finish our music saga, and to let it play out. it wants and needs to.
we got a chance to right the previous wrongs in a way. a chance to learn. what wants to happen here, in every instance is the right question to ask. not how much money is in this, or how long will it take, or is somebody going to take advantage of me here...etc etc ..but it's a true chance to disengage from the details and just love the music. no attachment to the fruits of our actions. to put the value in the forefront; that people are more important than things, and make each action a service meant to give back to the world and not in any way take from it. of course a good business sense and common sense are needed too.
But, there is a great freedom gift to be offered in this music that flows through us. it is important it gets out there in a pure state and not defiled by any negativity. Tall order hey, but one we need to get a handle on to get a head start in this quest; this all important quest to master this life thing..
but, it's a grand ending..
or ..looking back, anguishing monotony.
not that hard a choice..
TRYING TO UPLIFT A FRIEND WHO IS OVERWHELMED AT THE PROSPECT OF UNDERTAKING THE DISIPLINE OF A MEDITATING REGIMENT, AND TRYING TO CHANGE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS AND HABITS..
Swamiji says be truthful before God. Don't say "i couldn't have meant THAT.." maybe you did really mean that..you can't work on yourself if you don't accept what the true intentions were that you were emoting. Facing them, simply say..I can do better..and don't hang on.
Well, this thinking you're doing is good. Maybe you'll have time at work to listen to your Raja yoga session from Swamiji's cd ..put it in an mp3 player and have your headphones on at work so it can sink in. ..it's quite a few hours..amazing, truly amazing insights you will get from this.
It is really a whole new world opening up that will answer alot of these questions for you. The amazing thing, indeed..is that this is available in the world right now, and people don't take it up..not ready for it i guess. They don't have "eyes to see and ears to hear" as Jesus would say. But for someone like me thirsting as i do, it is the rare nectar of truth..i would have dug to the other end ot the Earth for it.
You may think that it's hard to maintain meditating. and for many it is..but what seems to happen if you are truly devoted to trying..it's like priming a pump, or spinning a top..or winding a clock..the meditation is the priming. Simply do that once or twice a day, then when you need joy in your world, become silent, and anticipate it, and the little joy moter perks up right in your heart. You can face anything in your day then.
It is a wonderful tool..and you get fully hooked on it just as you would cocaine or some other ghastly thing..This however, has no side effects, and even draws God closer and closer to you.
Don't worry, your intentions are no worse than many others, even though you are a great deal more clever than you realize. You can turn that cleverness around to your great advantage , as well.
As Sri Yukteswar says in Autobiography of a Yogi: "Forget the past! The past lives of all men are dark with many shames. Everything in future will improve if you make a spiritual effort now."
TRYING TO DESCRIBE THE BEGINNINGS OF A MEDITATION, AND REASON FOR WANTING TO START MEDITATING. ONE SHOULD FOLLOW THE LESSONS OF YOUR GURU OR TEACHER, BUT THESE ARE SOME OF THE MORE GENERAL AIMS AND REASONS FOR MOTIVATING ONESELF TO ANSWER SUCH A CALLING
(I mentioned that i experimented sometimes with focusing energy up at the forehead till i made a little fireball up there and it was kind of like a spinning basketball on the finger feeling..) i shouldn't have said the spinning ball thing..it's unorthadox.. i only wanted you to be drawn somehow up driftingly toward your frontal lobe, and that description popped into my head because of my perceiving a kind of centrifical force within that suggestion that could draw and keep you there rather like a vortex.
The light can be any kind of inspiration. any size etc. just something you can start to feel you are helping to create by your inner gaze, and make bigger with your attention. And baske in it like it was soothing sunlight.
You should start like we're supposed to on Master's path. With the hong sau technique..following the breath, watching it as the witnesser kinda, while also keeping your attention up at the spiritual eye. Not forcing it up there, but imagining that it is wandering up there, and once there wants to linger in the pleasant surroundings.
With hong sau, you can also tune into the feeling of the air in your nostrils, and keep feeling it higher until it settles at the bridge of the nose, and thus up into the frontal lobe. You imagine the long drawn out word Hong with the air coming in and Sau with it going out, slowly and contentedly. Having said all this, it seems like you have a very powerful mantra. I'm not so familiar with the mantra method, which i'm sure is wonderful.. It is yours and you should use that. Let me tell you a funny story.
This Christian missionary went to an island and found 3 men living castaway there for years and years. They repeated a mantra, or simple prayer of just a few words. Trying to convert them to save their souls, he taught them some Christian Prayers. When he left he looked back from his boat and they were running across the water, waving excitedly for him to stop. When they reached the boat they gasped "Sir, we have forgotten how to say the prayer..what was it again?" The Priest just shook his head and said "Never mind. Please dear ones, carry on as you were.."
MORE ON TURNING YOUR LIFE AROUND AND FINDING YOUR PATH
im sure glad you're not mad at me. i was grasping at straws there cuz i don't wana lose you.
its scary. but also in a wider realm it's just this big school we're in, and you may be failing a class. it is tricky isn't it..you got caught in a snare that's a bit of a puzzle.
the good news is we all graduate some day hey.. i think the only important thing is that you're going in the right direction. it doesn't matter where on the ladder you are or how quickly you're moving..only that you are continually going up. facing back to the sun at every turn. the ol body may be ailing. you may be medicating and using. all that stuff will come with the territory. the important thing is that you're not judging..anything!
not to say i failed. but simply--hey, i haven't yet succeeded. the word succeed has to be in there as an affirmation. so you did something to sabatoge your success. that's the nature of our minds. so what. the thing is you're trying maybe to do it less often, and in smaller doses. what's really screwing up the magnitism toward a successful current is you beating up on yourself psycologically. thats creating all the cross currents that are hindering the good strong flow in an upward way. the body will weaken, and your resolve.
but just turn and face the sun yet again. say, well it caught me again, but at least i'm not gona give it a place to live. i'll sweep out the remnants and continue on..no biggie. its good to know your opponents in these ongoing battles..it keeps everything there in your face so you can keep aware of what you're up against and like i said, be strategic. in every encounter you say, i may be in a bad place, but at least i can do something good. and do that good thing.
events are always neutral. the way we react makes them bad or good. instead of seeing something as bad and repelling it, think of it as good..a chance to face this thing again. maybe i can come at it from a different angle..lets see..lets maybe try this..
and if it still comes out the same there are countless other days to try a different strategy. you'll hit on little ones that work really well once in awhile.
and you're saying sure..easy in theory,,but when these restlessnesses come, and discomforts; feelings that torture me, moments i can't endure...what do i do?
well, how about start trying to strengthen your focus so that you can steer better. thats all.
sit for 5 minutes twice a day being still. let your focus wander up into the frontal lobe area with your eyes closed. if thats tricky, then just concentrate on doing that for your 5 minutes. but if you can get your inside sight up rested in that area, great. like trying to find the right throat placement for a vocal pass. but get it up between the eyes. okay, then open that area up and just kinda lightly cling there with your mind. you know how those guys spin a basketball on their finger. well, just make a ball up there and dissolve into the area of that ball. your only duty is to keep thoughts out. so relax. one comes in. thats your egos job. but, erase it. no. go back to the ball of light. see how long you can keep your focus there. like you're shining a light on that ball. you can't let the light wander off. its your job to keep it fixed there, thats all. another thought. erase it. another one..erase it. keep coming back to the ball. finally 5 minutes will be up.
what a great thing. you've given your concentration a real workout. it will serve you in good stead next time you're faced with a distraction or some kind of situation. Do this twice a day. thus when your mind tries to beat you up over some failure, you can triumphantly say I concentrated for 5 whole minutes, twice today. my concentration is building stronger and stronger. i have a plan in place. It's a great plan that builds my intuition, so that i don't even need to know the next phase of the plan. thats the beauty of it. i only have to do my job and the levels wondrously unfold before me. you will become very strongly intuitive. and then you start seeing your victories as part of everyone around you. when you take them into your considerations, doing something for them that will strenghten them, make you strong inside also. a lasting little burst of sunlight. so the stranglehold is widening..not so tight anymore.
pretty soon you will be swimming in a relaxed way with refreshing room around your spirit. not closed in. you will know then that you're on your way. no turning back then..you see a light at the end of the tunnel . you have an intense love growing inside. you know the place where the ball is? well it starts feeling like pure love in there. you crave for it. it stays with you longer and longer. and habits fall away. you learn little shortcuts to get back to that warm little hum feeling. you're on your way. i tell you m..sometimes i feel such esctacy i can't even describe it. just the most intense warm joy permeating me. it's real. nothing else is.
i sure wish you could have one taste of this. it would bite you so deep that no substance would be good enough for you then. booze or drugs would taste like mud compared to these sweet grapes you found in your own little grove.
well, i do go on.
if your health goes down..no matter. just continue. with your intentions to keep trying at every confrontation, then you can be assured the forces are on your side. your magnisism is working for you through the darkest of places. dont be afraid of those moments that torture you. sure it may smart. but stay there. just like shining the light on the ball. ouch. but it passes. then you start to find they pass a little more quickly..don't linger as long. you are gaining sweet victories my sweet friend.
TRYING TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN..BUT BE UNATTACHED
well, don't sweat it. Everything unfolds as it's supposed to. our job is just to imagine it being a neat thing to aim for, and totally within the realm of possibility. Then, when we've been earnest in this intention and there haven't been alot of cross currents of doubt disturbing that magnitism, something will present itself..in some direction or other; it may be a different direction than we imagined..but something along similar lines.
The thing is not to be attached to any of it. Just enjoy the music and the working toward being able to do more with it.,
MEDITATING; WHAT TO EXPECT IF YOU CAN "NOT EXPECT ANYTHING"
as for meditation, don't expect anything. it's just a duty for now..2 five minute sessions a day. it is very focused concentration. but once you're perched up there in the frontal lobes, you can kind of lightly cling there and try to feel the energy from the spine has free passage through that area. you're kinda holding the tube open for the flow to pass. 5 minutes is a long time to hold an opening open. but you will start to have such control over your thoughts and command of your life force.
And it comes after time, that when you're perched up in there fixed at that light, that you can dwell there for a time kind of effortlessly; .."look ma..no hands". you will start to have relaxation within the heightened awareness, if that makes any sense.
But sometimes you feel light and breezy and intense love..sometimes nothing for months it seems. But the dry spells are actually more useful than the good spells.
it really gives you a chance to come at this thing from this angle and that..penetrating the best you can with the least exertion..kind of like the way you get as an athlete when you achieve such finesse in your sport that it is effortless seeming.
Anyway, you don't expect any heights in the meditation itself anyway. it's in your day to day living that you start to swerve your moods to where you want them, attract wonderful opportunities, start helping people in a real way..not just wishing you could help in an empty kind of way. you start to have amazing focus and wonderful intuition.
It is a dedication for the remainder of this lifetime, so don't get in a hurry or you'll burn out right away. Its a slow burning love. A little duty you take on and don't let slide. Like a life you've taken responsibility over. Then when it's grown, it is a monument to your hard work and loving attention and dedication. And, it will do anything for you.
ANOTHER FRIEND WHO SEEMED TO BE ON A ROAD TO DESTRUCTION, QUESTIONING ME
What you are looking for is who is looking—St. Francis of Assisi
No of course there is no white bearded old man judging us from some antiseptic corner of the universe. That’s not what God is.
Where do you think we originated..built like some cabinet with wood and nails? No, we came from God, that vast expanse of consciousness..and that’s the only way out of this mess..to make our way back there..
To find the beam in the theatre that shows the light and shadows on the screen, and get to the source of the beam.
That is to say, get back to the oceanic calm oneness that spirit is without the body..there’s no distinction between any of us except for those little egos that served us for a time, but that we had to finally put in their subservient places and whisk past to be freed.
It hurts me to see you flailing in the wind this way.
But take heart, it is a defining moment in your existence, one which you have to get to to either crash and burn, or realize the agonizing monotony of life. That’s the only way things become desperate enough to dedicate your search once more to finding God. And believe me, you are grasping for him. You wouldn’t have found me otherwise.
I don’t mix much at all with people who drink and spout off the way you do. But I love you..and why is that love there? I have an all important step to share with you..if you’re hurting enough to listen. If not, you may slip into countless more lifetimes before your teachings will once again catch your attention, offering a way out.
Yes, lifetimes..you didn’t think there really were any free lunches in this world did you..just die and find refuge in the grave..it ain’t gona happen. If you could let go of everything when you die then you’d have a chance..but we accumulate bad habits. And, nothing ever dies..science has even proved that. Transmuted into something else..yes..water becomes vapor etc. You can’t die..your spirit is part of the oceanic consciousness of God, that in time you will realize to be only “one” with center everywhere circumference nowhere.
You are it! You can’t be destroyed when you shed the body at death. And more, lets say you smoked and drank..you will hanker for these even without your body, so you won’t be able to be long without a body before feeling the need to manifest one again and finding an embryo. You have developed habits that need attention. Even for an ice cream cone..So there is a huge project for the undertaking in these lives.
Become unattached in your heart to everything except God; your higher potential. Yes enjoy, but don’t be attached. Do for others not your own ego (you’re already pretty good at that concept) Then you can transcend these barbaric levels of existence. Thus everything Jesus said was true. He was an avatar, and there were other saints that reached that awareness too. “Do not your scriptures say ye are Gods?” he said to us. “The Kingdom of God is within you”..
We just came out of a dark age, an age of matter. The time of Jesus was during that dark age. Even the scriptures reflect the baseness of awareness, and thus all the dogma and “churchianity” has sprung forth from his simple true words. Some of the Ancient Indian scriptures were recorded in a much higher age. According to our place in orbit; our universe around it’s own dual sun core, we pass through a dark age when we’re farthest from the center of it, and when we’re closest awareness is high, and time and space themselves are anialated in our awareness. But the Saints transcend the elemental stages by their intense practices.
Anyway, we are in the second age now; the age of energy. See in the last 100 years how that has come about..even science knows in this age that matter is nothing but different densities of vibrations of energy. That in turn, is only the thought dream of God . We gotta get out of it. Get to the beam..Yes, vibrations..matter isn’t even a real concept. Cream or oil floats on water..these elemental stages can be transcended in much the same way. In your spine you can reach subtler realms with your concentration that free you in degrees. It is no big deal to walk on water. That is mastery over your second chakra. Saints have been recorded to do that through the ages. The same with levitation..it is mastery over your fourth chakra. Yogananda brought people back to life, he fed a group of 10 people juice from a pitcher that only had an inch in it..and well, it’s silly..miraculous events are only signposts of the powers one is developing. They are not to be advertized or even mentioned to skeptical people who aren’t evolved enough in their intuition to make use of them.
Okay, take this or leave it. I don’t want to see you crash and burn, so I offered it. If it doesn’t make a lick of sense, you are not ready. You’re having a hard time..and I’m here..that’s all. There is much more to know. Read Autobiography of a Yogi. Go to my site and read the mp3 commentaries (with the book songs) under the spirituality page.. Read Autobiography of a Yogi. Read Autobiography of a Yogi. Read Autobiography of a Yogi.
I love you.
it may be hard to swallow, but upon realizing this you will be deeply thankful.
the suffering apex is the greatest gift.
we could go on life after life in the slow boil of numbness and monotony.
you are much too advanced for that. we got born here at this time cause we're warriors..we want to get it over with.
it is a sign we are much closer than you realize!
anyone who's complacent will never confront the higher calling. suffering is the way. don't worry. master is there.
he would not have you read the little book if he wasn't..he would not have put you on my mind so heavily.
He put you at the corner of the crossroad with a mac truck barrelling down the road, so you will turn the corner.
you will read in the little book
"were not my pains after all..shade of thine outstretched hand
(the lord answers)
"all these things i didst take
not for thy harms
but that thou mightst seek it
in my arms."..
Welcome the suffering, welcome it intensely as your doorway to freedom. every single little passing moment of it. bow to it. experience it deeply.
otherwise, you'll never get the courage to jump off that cliff. you will stand around there sinking deeper forever.
He will be there.
and, should you die for Gods sake, die the best way you can.
where you land depends upmostly on it.
reach for Him. Everything else must be out of your mind. this is extremely important for an advancement
chance out of the pool of sheer mysery you will be in for again if you don't reach for him --
that very moment-- and leave everything else behind with the body.
Dont beat yourself up over having bad habits. it takes many lifetimes to get past many of them.
no, if you have to love God stoned or drunk, then do it. only think each time..be the watcher; the witnesser, looking at yourself from that distance, saying "this isn't me. i am caught here right now, but this isn't me. i am under it all. pure. someday the outer will be shed. Yes, i will continue to travel on, though there be great clouds and myserys, and spots even of intoxicated false joy ..it is all part of this journey. i will overcome it all. Rome wasn't built in a day. Just succumb to your weakness, but not with your whole heart. let a little part of you stand watch, and that little part will become more and more. never say i failed. rather, i haven't yet succeeded. your mind remembers the word succeeded more than the other words, so make sure it gets in there.
and, you would do well to think of God as your divine Mother.
Nomatter what you're doing in your day, call to her incessantly
Mother, it's you i want. l love only you..only you..
"notty or nice..i am your child. you must come to me. you must!" And she will.
you need not know a single thing in this world.
only that "i love my mother, and i want only her".
engrossed is the bee of my mind on the blue lotus feet of my divine mother.
Your day job is a huge blessing for you at this time. a vehicle through which you can maintain an equilibrium.
and advance slowly and surely.
do every little thing the best you can. with deep contentment.
see your co workers as struggling like you are.
have deep appreciation for them and what life puts them through too,
and any occasion to smile or say a kind word, or take over a duty for them, jump at the chance.
amazing things will start to happen in this way.
this is a huge chance for you . confront this thing.
that is why it lurks there in front of you.
don't step around it another time.
How long she has waited in the wings for your love. How many incarnations you have said not yet,
i want to be famous, i want money, i'm too lazy,
i don't want to try that hard. and you're sinking deeper and deeper in the mud.
the thing is, it's not easy..but its simple.
and it gets easier and easier..as a jet that rumbles lumberously getting off the ground,
but soars effortlessly like a bird once it has leveled out into the first airwave.
that airwave is her..you are there. she's the only one that can suck you up into it.
you have to let her though.
all that's left is perfecting your devotion to her then.
thank her and love her every waking moment. she is your dearest first love, your truest friend.
you don't have to go gung ho.
you don't have that much grit built up in you yet. just take the first of each baby steps,.
reach to her with one hand, and she will outstretch both down to pick you up every time.
A mother will not fail her child.
MORE ABOUT ANXIETY AND THE FINAL EFFORT OF THIS LIFE
how beautiful..see, thats where you can be a light to the world, through your music. it is vibrant..breathtaking at times..and will only continue to grow as such. i wont put pressure on myself. the thing is, i've found a way to rather vicariously relieve pressure in this way interestingly enough. you say you always have anxiety. well, in my book you see that everywhere ..i live in a quagmire of it..enclosed at every turn. but lately my burning desire to do for others propels me out and beyond it somehow. it's funny, but when you think of superman soaring out and gripping the world and lift, lift, lifting until it starts to budge, then slowly rotating up and into the path of the sunlight..and suddenly the anxiety is somewhere on a back burner. it's a kind of "by the seat of your pants" escape from suffering..but i think it will become more sure and stable as my resolve strengthens. there's simply no other way out. at some point of no return you say "i can't go back to not having integrity..i simply can't settle for that..so it's into the scarry abyss ..the unknown with the blind grasping faith that you will emerge safe in the arms of your beloved on the other side. i know one thing, if i am not making an effort in specializing in finding my self, no one else will do it for me. it's a daunting intensive task, but i'm being more and more challenged and find a sparkling gleam in my eye in my glances at Swamiji and Master's pictures. Yes,, this thing can be done. I feel it in my bones, it's for sure.
no more bee hive fiascos in life for me..i'm gona do my very best or go down swingin..
In my revised version of the book, there are some commentary pages. you should be getting the final As if smiling cd and semi final Life and Times cds in the mail anytime now. take a listen to my commentaries on the cd. i think they turned out wonderful. i am more and more free; thinking of the world as Leela..Gods dream play. As master says, this life can be a nest of fun with God, but if you drift out from him, it is disaster. I'm fixin to stay right in there..stuck like glue. the more spiritual you get too, the more crafty the tests are to pass, as if we need that hey..but hey..bring it on. we can achieve victory only through confrontation, and not avoidance. thus here i am launching into this business that chewed me up and spit me out years ago. i find myself weeping at the prospect. but he is with me. i have to pass through it unscathed this time, and on into clearer skies. i cant do anything. but he can do everything. and he cant do anything except through channels. i think both you and i have acheived greater heights in the past but have been brought down a-cropper from a great height crashing because of some subtle deceiving desire that caught us unaware. we must be hair trigger sharp this time. we're getting into the territory that tricked us before. grab that life line and hang on. don't for dear God let go!!
it sounds so unbelievably corny, but i want to help in the world. i mean..i really really do.
i can't hardly bear the thought of kids..teens..little kids with broken hearts. i hardly can't bear it. even old folk little kids..i see the lostness in their eyes..it just kills me..
this world is such a hard knock place. and it's such a labyrinth to even find an inkling of your own tender feelings amidst all the chaos.
if i dwell on it, i feel like i will have to burst.
swamiji is trying to help..his heart is on his sleeve big time.
so, i want to direct in that way.. it is my calling..my guru.
MORE ADVANCED YOGA
i have followed Master's teaching to the T. Thus I now have Kriya yoga. It took a few years to get it. Now i revert to Hong Sau when I've finished my kriya beads..each bead is a breath done the special kriya way. Then when done i do a mudra, and then hong sau to get the benefits of all of that. And then at the end i do the aum technique. chanting aum silently while settled at the spiritual eye. It is usually during that final aum technique that i get all the waves of bliss. You just get freeer and freeer and theres nothing to compare with it. You would be in a hurricane and still stay sucked up into that place gripping with all you're worth.
It sure is special when that happens. Then you're swooning much of the day. I guess it's kinda like, when we were kids and you'd press your arms against the 2 sides of the inside of a door until you vibrate. That would be the kriyas. Then when you let go, that would like aum at the end when your arms drift up into the air by themselves.
The key is to seek after your secret place in the spiritual eye, like it is your lover and your secret meeting place. Your divine beloved. And when you start to do kriyas, you get the energy sucked up into your innermost spine..by then you have stamina built up from doing hong sau for a year or 2. But, you start to direct that energy in a determined way, and up it goes..straight and narrow is the way like Jesus said..for sure! You can feel you got it right if when you get up to the spiritual eye, you explode, or rather implode into a slow burning intense bliss. It's really something. You know, you may be closer than you think. Chances are you have done alot of your legwork in a previous lifetime..thus you already seeked out meditation and mantras..and you and i fell in together the way we are.
HERE IS A LONG LETTER HOME TO CANADA AT CHRISTMAS 2011. OF COURSE, MY FOLKS back home DON'T FULLY UNDERSTAND MY SPIRITUAL LEANINGS. NONETHELESS, I SO LOVE TO SHARE MY THOUGHTS.. always hoping someone will feel that spark and say "Yes..!!!" oh, what a kindred spirit that would be to me..
Well folks, another year has gone by down here in Tennessee, those soft southern days that trickle one into another as I meander down the paths behind the park among the cedars and peeping deer, through the tall grass that waves ever so slightly at me when there’s a hint of a breeze.
Then back home to gather up my intentions for another weeks adventures, and ..coming into the lane I get a feeling. Looking up from the pavement, I see the pinkish bricks laid with white interlacing ones; that unique design that is Bobs, and the porch that has new sturdier steps now..the roses on the tressle, the big old trees that spread their love over the grass and canopy the front of our home with it’s porch swing that almost has my outline there with a cup of tea and a book. Yes, there is a feeling here..Haven’t I had it throughout eternity? Coming down this lane into a house I know has a straight backed tall boy with a whisp of blondish brown hair under a Huckleberry Fin cap, a pretty fawn eyed girl who is waiting to give me a hug so tightly because she always forgets the inherent strength in her sturdy body, but is overflowing with warmth and ready to tell me what did happen today.. and the husband who is always there with his Smiley dog.. tinkering out in the yard or calmly sitting in his chair inviting the flickerings of the outside world bid their rest and seek his peace.
Yes, when I was in Canada as a child, I knew the paths of my homeland to the very leafs on branches..hills and far beyond them, even to those rolling plains that unfolded to finally present the majesty of those mystical Rocky mountains with their powerful lure, into the Valley beyond with it’s sunny slopes, happy streams and wide grassy grins. This for you aunty Helen..May you rest in peace, dear Aunty. You said you loved to read my writing and you loved to write such things yourself. We all have home tucked away in the depths of our untouched souls.
Well, mine had slightly different trees, possums and hollers even when the Northern Canadian prairies and mountain views were all my young eyes had seen. There was that porch with the pinkish bricks, and the skyline that revealed itself to be my Tennessee.. finally in the twilight of my youth, it would take it’s place amongst the gathering inspirations of a life that could keep them all wondrously locked in my heart. Fifty five years since the year 55, I have been wondering, interacting with those who came across my path on this grand exploration. Sometimes I was bursting onto the scene..sometimes it was they who encouraged me out of the ditch of my doubt and back on to brave the trail. But, it has always been a wonderful journey.
Well, I hope you are all doing fine. You who have populated the walls of my world from the very beginning. This past year I have embarked on a rather massive project; my writing as a sharing. First it was my little “As if Smiling” book, then the music that furnished the lyrics that embellished those stories, then onto a full commercial album with videos and websites to accompany. And now the year and my 55th year are close to closing, and I have something to show, I think. I invested heavily, but I couldn’t help but think of Fiete..mom. She lived through my music, and so maybe I’ve kept her alive in a fun way for her. I should have used that little nest egg for the kids college..it had been there in a fund for over 18 years waiting for that. But now that it matured, and I have spent it ..comes incentive and great motivation to not let that investment be for naught. Maybe just what this stage of my life needs.. a little pressure as it were, to assure I do this thing. After all, I need to get that money back by next semester—heh.. Onward and upward then. Nothing like a challenge hey..
But, what a year it has been. My studies of life go so very deep, that I’m afraid all of you have written me off for lost. Indeed, I have found a treasure that seems like a curious absurdity to many. But every morning I loft over the crest of the slope on the backside of that wondrous mountain; the first one up with the dawn and onto that sweet fresh powder. There are no other tracks but mine, and I am enthralled in the enjoyment of my intuition feeding the needs my heart has been in longing for all these eons of time. Yet, no one else is here. It isn’t even a race..nobody else even seems to want to find the soft powder to line their decent into the next world. It is my final fortune in this life to find my way finally. But, alas it is my way only, and no one elses. If you only knew of this place I have found. Well, maybe most of you know it as your own place in your soul. I hope so. After all, you’ll never find perfection in the world outside you. The kingdom is within.
The little book was wonderful for me to write. The teachings mend me, and give me all the hope I’ve ever needed. So, even though ol Sharn seemed like a bit of an oddball, someday I suspect these teachings and truths will make more sense as the coming age unfolds into society’s understanding of matter being energy and finally levels of vibration, and science catches up in a more upfront fashion with the revelations that time and space can be conquered.
In any case, within the vast grand scheme of things, it doesn’t much matter what one silly little ol’ woman did. Some have come and lived lives here that would seem fantastic to us. We can use this for a treasure to dig..seek and find what they found ourselves, if we only would let our sense of wonder and curiosity serve as a quest through history into their lives; find out what Really happened. Look even at those saintly ones around us. There are true heros among us, here for the finding and learning, not the ones out front, but behind the scenes.. Anyway, friends.. know that I am well in my heart. My hope springs forth eternal.
Well then.. the songs about Jesus came, and the realizations of the deepness of the truths he and others trying to help us, sought to share. I recorded and added them to the little book as a cd sleeve. Then Larry Delaney got a hold of me in Feb to tell me he had done a half page spread in the Country Music News Magazine. His research showed that I had more than 60 cuts by other artists on my songs, had produced various chart singles and had inspired others during my little music ventures. His article started “Sharon Anderson has quietly carved out a career as a singer/songwriter that few Canadian female artists have achieved”. I was choked, and suddenly felt gushes of gratitude to all of you who have accepted and absorbed my music all that time. I was working on the little song “Henrietta” for uncle Bruce to sing ..then another called Springtime Johnny came. It was inspired by a little ol fellow Bow and I met at Whistler in the mid 80s, who had been a ranch hand and had sang around the campfires and bunkhouses of the northwest with Ian Tyson when they were young. My heart welled with pride as I realized their timeless contribution to what would become a trilogy for the Canadian west; its Iconic free spirited minstrel Canadian Cowboys.
I started writing more songs and recording them in Jim Reeves old house/turned studio, with my friend George Bradfute. Now I am in the full swing of a great little hobby for an older gal who works as a bookblock editor for Ingram, and is a wife, mother and housekeeper on the side. Back to the music that completes me, and makes me whole. I hope you will like the Life and Times album.
And so our boy is in his second year of college. He is a college man, and takes to it like a duck to water. With the economy bad like it is, the kids around here have a hard time finding work. He would be learning some good life lessons if he were making tacos at Taco bell, and serving in that way would be a good stepping stone for his social development. But, he has always been punctual and habitual, and college fits him to a t. He does a lot of homework and gets straight As. He is headed towards a degree in mass communication, but still had to complete things like history and English. He is a gifted artist.
And, he has also written 3 manuscripts already. I have read 2 of them, and I’m very excited for him. You wouldn’t think a sheltered kid his age would have the depth of perception he possesses. His latest adventure is gripping. It is an epic of “Indiana Jones” meets “Kung Fu Panda” proportion . Some kids venture into the past through the glass of mirrors in a back room of a family shop, into an ancient Chinese civilization and all the integrity of that era focuses wonderfully into the forefront, amidst friendships, heroisms and even a romance. I am so proud. He is a very deep soul, this Nathan of ours. He observes spiritual disciplines very rigidly that he doesn’t bother to share with us or others. He is quiet and very thoughtful. He knows much about science, history, and current events. Emily marvels how he doesn’t need people to validate himself. She says she kinda wishes she could be more self sufficient like that. She keeps pals close, and boyfriends..so tends to be prone to the highs and lows of the waves that come along with those dependancies. She told me one day also “I am so proud of Nathan..I heard him practicing a speech for one of his courses in his room, and he is such an articulate professional speaker”.
Emily is articulate herself, and artistic. She is so clever at molding words to best entertain. Some may miss her sharp wit and fun cynicisms, but she is a force to be reconed with in this world, and will add to it’s beauty if she is able to continue in her creative ventures. When she was little she made little nests for the baby pickles in the bottom of the jar. She nurtures and makes things flourish. And she always had vivid descriptions for things. This little piggy went to market was”Winka Market”, Kentucky fried chicken was “Fry-tucky chicken” , Slotskys deli was “Slopcheese deli” and she would reprimand you with a sassy warning (when that tornado took down the big trees at Andrew Jackson’s Hermitage, and she knew it was coming..) “..you couldn’t listen..but NO!” ha!
Just lately she was joking about how her homeland of Canada had so much less crime than the USA. She thought for a minute, then laughed; "The worst you get in Canada is "drive-by Compliments".. "Hey Lady..THATS A NICE SHIRT YER WEARIN!!!" She's a cut up allright. And strong like bull. This is my dear friend in life. She cares deeply for her family and her old mom. She is Bob’s pride and joy, and I can talk to her like I used to be able to talk to mom. In a world that can seem distant, she is near and dear and a priceless gift to me.
Which brings me to Bob. I was telling aunty Bun, that a while back we were talking in the living room..about peoples llives and their marriages. Bob announced; so many have to compromise with who they end up with. But I can always say one thing. I didn’t have to settle. I got who I want. I got teary eyed. Dad, I said..you have never complimented me like this before.. I..didn’t know..
Well, he said, looking deeply at me..if I complemented you all the time, it wouldn’t mean very much would it.. And so I know that even though he thinks I’m a bit “out there” in my philosophies, he does cherish me as I do him. I look forward to the larger than life comfort of that stable handsome frame. And the outside world melts away under the happy go lucky tune he hums to himself throughout the house-- whether it be Riley Puckett, Doc Watson, Merle Haggard, or even an old Artie Shaw classic. We challenge each other diligently during the tv commercials on the deepest of topics, or the silliest of musings. He is my rock. My rock of ages, cleft for me. Let me hide myself in thee. A pillar within my very structure..sometimes I think the very trunk of the tree that I am. And so, that this letter may not seem like a boasting fairy tale, I’ll admit Nathan can be snotty, Emily’s room can look like a hoarders episode, Bob can be a grouchy old fart, and I’m just “weird”. Robert and his Emily, and the little boys Campbell and Evan, are the stuff of fairy tales in our lives though. Plus, we have the best little dog alive in the world today. Smiley. And, maybe that’s part of the reason too, that we’re always “settin’ round smilin’”.. Hope you are too. Have a very Merry Christmas. Love Always and Forever,
DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP AND GET DEPRESSED
dont get ruffled up..
when you retreat silently to lick your wounds,
look around in there. its cozy..it's your home.
its where you need to be -- not out there in the frenzys and whirlwinds of useless cause and effect.
waves--up and down..up and down..endlessly!
take your mind and heart inside like the turtle.
only go out to give it another round..but happily..in the spirit of a good game.
don't rest your feelings on such results. let it roll on by as it will.
always come back to the little cave of your heart,
and giggle to yourself..cause it don't matter a hill o' beans whats' goin on out there..really.
Sometimes a moment really hurts..
You get all tied up inside doing your work..or thinking about something that took you way outside yourself.
You can’t reason rightly to get back inside to the calm stream.
I get anxiety attacks. It was mounting just now.
I looked at my guru..pleadingly
..i said “it..hurts..”
I stayed with it and didn’t try to flee..i emptied my thoughts as best I could and looked at his picture.
His eyes showed deep love. The grace came.
It doesn’t always come that quickly....but it did just now.
I have relief…
I am becoming more consistant..